


every single piece of you

by arlathans



Category: Skulduggery Pleasant - Derek Landy
Genre: F/M, Full Body Façades, Kissing, dont tell my mum im sinning, probably smut later on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-23
Updated: 2015-12-25
Packaged: 2018-05-08 15:04:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5502158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arlathans/pseuds/arlathans
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I, uh,” was all she could say. She swallowed, her face probably resembling a tomato now. “I thought.. it could… be, uh. Fun?”</p><p>“Fun”, China repeated, her brow furrowed slightly. “And have you asked Skulduggery if he even wants to have a full-body façade?”</p><p>--</p><p>set in an ambiguous time past tdotl and val's return to ireland<br/>--<br/>(21.02.2017)   i will TRY to finish this some day?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hello yes i am skeleton fucking trash
> 
> just saying its general audiences now but when i get to the smut part i will change the rating ok so dont worry kids

“You want what?”

China wasn’t facing her, so Valkyrie couldn’t see her expression, but her voice made it clear she was incredulous, maybe even slightly puzzled. Valkyrie tried a confident, aloof chuckle, but it became a weird strangled noise instead. “You heard me.”

China turned around to watch the younger woman, her face unreadable. “Oh, I did. I was just wondering - why?”

Valkyrie could feel her face reddening slowly as she squirmed slightly under China’s piercing gaze. She grimaced and took a deep breath.

“I, uh,” was all she could say. She swallowed, her face probably resembling a tomato now. “I thought.. it could… be, uh. Fun?”

“Fun”, China repeated, her brow furrowed slightly. “And have you asked Skulduggery if he even wants to have a full-body façade?”

“I was going to ask today”, Valkyrie mumbled, lowering her eyes.

“Well, I suppose I could do it. Assuming,” she added seeing Val perk up, “he even wants this.”

She nodded and almost ran to the door, pausing right before opening it.

“Thanks, China.”

 

She had intended to call Skulduggery, but he had been waiting for her despite threatening otherwise. He was leaning against the Bentley, browsing his phone, hat angled so his face was mostly hidden. That might have been the way his face was turned downwards, though. Valkyrie collected her thoughts and made her way to the other side of the car.

“How was she?”

She smiled brightly, hoping her face was its normal shade again.

“Oh, she was alright. You know.”

Skulduggery tilted his head in a way Valkyrie knew was the equivalent of raising an eyebrow, but said nothing and got into the Bentley. She followed. He started the car and they pulled off on the road.

“We don’t have any cases today, so… is there something you want to do?”

She shrugged, trying to make it look nonchalant, her eyes on the road.

“Valkyrie.”

Shit.

She turned reluctantly to face a slightly worried-looking skeleton. How was that even possible? Skulls weren’t supposed to be that expressive.

“ _Valkyrie._ ”

She blinked and smiled faintly at him. “What?”

“Are you alright?” There it was. Concern wrinkling his otherwise smooth voice.

“I’m fine, I was just thinking.”

He tilted his head, now amused.

“Thinking? Oh dear, what could possibly be worth Valkyrie Cain’s _thoughts_?”

Asshole.

She smacked his arm, not hard enough to hurt.

“I was thinking of _you,_  actually.”

Skulduggery let out a small “ooh” sound and she immediately regretted her choice of words.

“Thinking of me? Now, there’s a combination you don’t hear of every day.”

She glared.

“Well, it’s only because- it’s just because you are so _annoying,_  and, and, I actually- I wanted to see China to ask something,” the words were pouring out now and she couldn’t stop them, “I- I wanted to surprise you, I guess, but- look, I was wondering… why isn’t your façade a full body one?”

There was that head tilt again. He was puzzled. Valkyrie moved her gaze from his skull to the road to her feet before closing her eyes and sighing.

“Should it be full body?”

She felt her face grow warm and knew she was red again.

“Valkyrie? Something is happening to your face.”

“Yeah, no kidding.”

“You can’t even see your face, though.”

“Maybe, but I can _feel_ it.”

“Oh, right.”

 

They drove in an awkward silence for some time before Valkyrie spoke again.

“Would you mind having a full body façade?”

Skulduggery glanced at her, tilting his head curiously.

“I haven’t really considered that.”

She nodded.

“Why do you keep asking?”

She sighed. “Well… there’s something for you to think about.”

He glanced at her again, head tilted at an angle that meant he was frowning, or would be if he had a face. Valkyrie raised her eyebrow. Skulduggery kept glancing at her and she kept staring at him pointedly until she could see the realisation dawn deep in his dark eyesockets.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Oh.”

She smiled faintly and turned, pretending the road had her attention while looking at Skulduggery from the corner of her eye. He kept glancing at her, and she was sure he would’ve been blushing if not for the fact that he still did not have a face.

He pulled over at his house and they got out of the Bentley. Valkyrie followed him inside, wondering whether he really just didn’t have the words or if his silence was because of something else. She was so deep in her thoughts that she didn’t notice he’d stopped in his tracks and walked right into him. She stumbled a few steps back until Skulduggery caught her arm. She was about to thank him when he pulled her closer, hands on her waist. In one smooth movement he activated his façade and gently placed his hand on her shoulder before pressing his lips on hers and kissing her softly.

Valkyrie was so surprised she merely blinked for a few moments, letting Skulduggery do all the work, before she recovered and kissed him back just as he was about to pull away. He smiled faintly against her lips. His façade had reddish brown hair, freckles, amber eyes and stubble that she assumed would tickle if she pressed her cheek against his.

After a while they broke apart so Valkyrie could breathe. She pulled him closer and leaned her head against his sternum.

“Well, that was interesting.”

She straightened and looked at him, but didn’t let go.

“That’s it? ‘Interesting’? Really? No praise for my incredible kissing skills?”

He tilted his head, his expression amused. He hadn’t turned off his façade.

“I thought that was obvious.”

“That doesn’t mean I don’t want to hear it.”

“Very well. Valkyrie Cain, you’re an excellent kisser.”

She smiled. “That’s more like it.”

“Of course, I haven’t kissed anyone in a long time, so my judgment may not be the best.”

She smacked his arm. “Oh, come on!”

He laughed, pressed a kiss on her forehead and let go of her. Valkyrie deactivated his façade and grumpily smooched his jawbone before stalking off to her room to change. Before she closed the door she could hear him begin singing softly in one of the living rooms.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> merry christmas!  
> again, this is a 3:30 am thing, unbetaed and unedited so if yall dont mind pointing out any grammatical errors or stuff id appreciate it

_  "I love you”, she said, and pressed the index finger of the gauntlet on her baby sister’s forehead. _

Valkyrie woke with a start. She sat up in her bed and glanced around. The room was dark and the digital clock on the end table told her it was 2:14 am.  _ I’m in Skulduggery’s house, Alice lives, everything is fine, you’re fine, _ she told herself. She wiped her sweaty forehead and sighed.

A hand pressed on her lower back and she jumped and turned around magic at her fingertips, ready to blast whoever it was with white lightning, before realising it was Skulduggery, who she had somehow missed while glancing around earlier. He was watching her, skull unreadable. She let the magic retreat, lowering her hand.

“Bad dream?”

She smiled faintly and settled back down, letting Skulduggery wrap his arm around her shoulder while she snuggled against him.

“Yeah”, was her only answer. She felt him nod and drifted back to sleep.

 

When she woke again the time was already past 11. She got up, only vaguely noting Skulduggery’s absence. Making her way to the bathroom she paused at the stairs, hearing him sing softly in the kitchen, apparently making her breakfast. He had gotten much better at cooking lately. Nowadays the food he made was often rather good. At least comparing to when he’d first tried making her an omelette. Valkyrie stifled a shudder and locked herself in the bathroom.

Once she had dressed, she made her way downstairs, where she found Skulduggery in a good mood accompanied by a plate of actually pretty great scrambled eggs. He had rolled up his shirt sleeves.

“I thought about the façade thing”, he said while Valkyrie ate. She nodded.

“I… think I might like it.”

She choked on the scrambled eggs and he rushed around the table to help her. After a moment of her coughing violently and him hitting her back, equally violently, the scrambled eggs came unstuck and she turned to face him, her eyes watering.

“You’d, ah, you’d do that?”

He nodded, still looking worried - how does a skull look worried? - and helped her stand even though she told him she didn’t need help.

 

“Any cases today?”

Skulduggery shook his head, keeping his eyes on the road. Today his façade had dark brown hair, a goatee and light green eyes. The olive skin didn’t look waxy like that of his previous ones had when he’d first gotten the symbols. He had tried smiling earlier and cute dimples had appeared in his cheeks. Valkyrie decided she liked this one.

“Where are we going, then?”

He turned to look at her. “I don’t need to be present for the adjustment of the façade symbols?”

“Oh, yeah,  _ that _ .”

He frowned at the road, having returned some of his attention to it. “You don’t sound very enthusiastic.”

“I am, trust me.”

“When haven’t I trusted you, Valkyrie?”

She sighed. “Well, let’s see…”

He chuckled, those dimples appearing again. “Forget I asked.”

“That’s a nice face, by the way. Very cute.”

He glanced at her, smiling. Damn those dimples. “That so?”

She leaned in and kissed him. He mumbled something against her lips.Valkyrie ignored that, snaking her hand behind his neck and pulling him closer while letting her other hand wander. Skulduggery sighed in defeat and managed pull over to the side of the road before tilting his head slightly and allowing his tongue get involved. She hummed in appreciation.

 

When they did get to Roarhaven, Valkyrie’s hair was still messy despite her attempts to tidy it. Skulduggery, on the other hand, was the very image of tidiness. There wasn’t a single crumple on his suit, and not even one of his façade’s hair was out of its place. He grinned smugly at her and made his way towards the Sanctuary. She followed, grumbling.

China was looking radiant, as usual. She eyed Valkyrie briefly and smirked knowingly. Her face steadily started feeling warmer, and China’s smirk widened slightly.

“So, how can I help you today, detectives?”

Skulduggery smiled faintly at her. “Well, I assume you know Valkyrie suggested that I get a full body façade, and frankly, I agree with her. What if there’s a case that requires us to go to a beach resort? I couldn’t just go around a beach wearing a tuxedo. How would that look?”

China smiled back at him. “But of course. Come here and remove your shirt. Keep the façade on.”

“Is removing my shirt necessary?”

“Yes. I assume Valkyrie wants a say in how the façade looks.”

“Sure I do”, Valkyrie said, chuckling lightly as she followed Skulduggery across the room. He removed his jacket and shirt as asked, revealing his ribcage and arm bones while China briefly rummaged through a drawer before pulling out the instruments required for making adjustments to the façade symbols.

Valkyrie watched as China began to work, carefully adjusting the symbols until a body flowed over Skulduggery’s skeleton. He looked down at himself and then winked at Valkyrie, who rolled her eyes at him. The body was toned but not super muscular. It looked nice.

“That’s a pretty good one”, she said. China looked at her and nodded.

“I’ll make a few more adjustments”, she told them. “Unlike the face, the body will be the same every time.”

Skulduggery nodded. “Sounds good to me.”

China straightened. “Alright, you can put on your clothes now. You’re welcome.”

“Thank you, China”, Valkyrie said.

“Yes, thank you”, Skulduggery said, closing the buttons of his shirt.

China waved her hand dismissively. “Go on now, have fun. I’ll inform you if something comes up.”

 

Valkyrie fought the urge to let her hands roam over him all the way back to Cemetery Road, but as soon as they got inside the house she gave in and almost managed to pin him against a wall before Skulduggery gently pushed her away. She pouted at him.

“Sorry. I’d just like to get more used to this first. It feels a little disorienting.”

She pouted more, but nodded. He leaned in for a short kiss. “Besides, I don’t know how long I can keep it on. The façade, I mean.”

“Yeah, I get it”, Valkyrie said, smiling faintly. He smiled back and left her, heading for a living room. She followed shortly after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please please leave feedback


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello this is [gender neutral term for aunt/uncle] saf bringing you more valduggy sin

She missed Gordon.

It was enough to cause her pain, remembering how he had given her his after his death house all those years ago, how he’d imprinted himself on the echo stone without anyone knowing, how he’d helped them multiple times - and now he was really gone, another loss to blame on Darquesse, another loss to blame on  _her._  The echo stone sat in its cradle, empty and unresponsive. Valkyrie stared at it, wishing she could make Gordon’s echo reappear with willpower - but it wasn’t going to happen, and she knew it. His latest book was open on her lap, forgotten, as she sat in the study, fake wall open and revealing the secret room filled with artifacts.

After some more staring at the echo stone she closed the book, stroking its embossed covers gently, and left the room. She wandered around the house, trying to remember all the times she’d visited it before she’d found out the truth, eventually ending up in the bathroom. She undressed slowly, leaving her clothes in a small, unruly pile on the floor and stepped into the shower. She didn’t really  _ need _ to shower - she hadn’t done anything physically strenuous and she’d just had a shower earlier in the morning - she just wanted to stand under the streaming warm water for some time and not think.

 

The doorbell brought her back on planet Earth, shaking her from the depths of her mind. She turned off the shower and stepped out, dried most of herself so she wouldn’t leave puddles on the floors, and wrapped the towel around her before heading downstairs.

She unlocked the door and opened it slightly, peering out. An unknown man with pale complexion and ginger hair, freckles and eyes of jade. Similarly ginger peach fuzz coated his chin and jaw.

“Valkyrie”, he said, and she smiled - the velvety voice was a dead giveaway, pun not intended. She opened the door wider.

“Come in”, she said, before noticing the weird look on his face. She looked down at herself and immediately felt the blush start creeping up her neck. She’d already managed to forget the fact that she only had a towel covering her and now there was Skulduggery, staring at her. She growled quietly, grabbed his arm and pulled him inside. He didn’t stop staring before she smacked her arm.

“Earth to Skulduggery”, she said. He tried a weak smile.

“Sorry”, he mumbled. “It’s just.. I… I…”

She waited, but it soon became clear he was lost for words, so she went upstairs to get dressed. Maybe he’d find his skill to speak during that time.

 

When she was fully clothed - apart from her feet, she couldn’t find matching socks and she didn’t bother looking - she went back downstairs, where she found a very embarrassed looking Skulduggery staring at the floor. He looked up when she approached and gave her a small, apologetic smile.

“I’m sorry”, he said softly. “You caught me unprepared for such a sight.”

“Don’t worry about it”, Valkyrie told him, getting closer until they were a yard or so apart. “It’s nice to know that  _ I  _ can do that to you.”

“More often than you think”, he murmured and before she could reply he had closed the distance between them and his lips were on hers and she was leaning into the kiss, wrapping her arms around him, and he was pulling her closer, one hand on her waist and other tangling in her long, still damp hair. She sighed contently, feeling like she could spend the rest of her life in this exact moment with just the two of them. 

She tried to jump up and wrap her legs around him, but only managed to topple them over. They tumbled on the floor and she chuckled, bracing her hands against the floor.

“A little warning next time, please”, Skulduggery said, but he was smiling.

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Good.”

Her following chuckle became a startled yelp as he flipped them around so he was on top. He leaned down to kiss her again and she responded enthusiastically, wrapping her legs around his waist and letting her hands get entangled in his façade’s hair. She ground up against him as he moved his lips from hers, trailing soft, feather-like kisses down her jaw to her neck to her collarbone, where he nipped at her skin experimentally. She let out a  _ very _ embarrassing moan, and he chuckled lightly against her neck.

“You know, the floor is surprisingly uncomfortable”, she managed to say. Skulduggery hummed in affirmation and sat up. Valkyrie propped herself on her elbows and looked at him curiously.

“So. Did your visit have a purpose?”

He tilted his head. “Not really.”

“Huh. So you just happened to be around?”

“...Not really.”

She chuckled. “Right.”

He stood up and pretended to dust off his clothes. She got up as well.

“Valkyrie, I know this was your idea, but… you do realise I’m dead.”

She nodded.

“Most people wouldn’t want to… have relations with a skeleton.”

“I’m not most people, though, am I?”

“No, you’re not”, he agreed quietly, lowering his gaze. After a moment he looked up again.

“You’re absolutely sure about this?”

She scoffed gently and took his hand in hers. “I am”, she told him firmly and led him upstairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter: The Proper Sinning
> 
>  
> 
> again pls pls leave feedback


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